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Too Busy to Connect Your Relationship? Have you tried a 1 hour date?

Too Busy to Connect Your Relationship? Have you tried a 1 hour date? | Expert Relationship Advice | Scoop.it

You don't have to put on a giant extravaganza every time you go on a date. "Date Night" can easily turn into "Fight Night" if either partner feels pressure to meet grandiose expectations. Try something small so there's less pressure.

 

Go on a date with your man when you both have a spare hour on your hands. That does happen at least once a week, so there are no excuses.

 

This "rockinmarriage.com" article talks about how one couple started going on one hour mini dates and how it helped them reconnect and prioritize their relationship.

 

"We hadn’t had an evening out in several weeks, despite several tries. But one afternoon, we found ourselves with an hour to kill before picking the kids up from their grandparents. We decided to stop in at the Starbucks nearby and we accidentally had a wonderful date.

 

We laughed, we talked, we drank some much-needed coffee and when we left, Cathy remarked on what an unexpectedly great time we’d had. Simultaneously, we both realized that it was because there was no pressure, no expectations."

  

Tweet this to your man now! - Heather Books

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I know! Let's combine blind dating with public speaking! PowerPoint, ya'll! Who's with me?...Anyone?

I know! Let's combine blind dating with public speaking! PowerPoint, ya'll! Who's with me?...Anyone? | Expert Relationship Advice | Scoop.it

"CAN you find love in six minutes? That’s how long bachelors or bachelorettes are allowed to stand onstage narrating a PowerPoint presentation about themselves to nearly 75 eligible singles at Me So Far, a new monthly event in Chicago.

 

Some speak of a song that changed their life. Others reveal a time when they felt as if they had failed. There are slides of their living rooms, the insides of their refrigerators, even their debit-card statements."

 

Sounds like a mild version of hell to me. Both the performing and the watching.

 

"Here's what's in my refrigerator, people!" Yay you? Go...you?

 

Maybe raging extroverts would like it. Or narcissists. - Heather Books

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Relationship Lessons from American Pie

Relationship Lessons from American Pie | Expert Relationship Advice | Scoop.it

"Believe it or not, there are some practical tips for finding love buried in the adventures of Jim and his socially challenged buddies."

 

AskMen has examined the entire American Pie movie series and provided you with all the top relationship tips.

 

"1. Even Misplaced Confidence Kills
2. Always Be Yourself

3. Older Can Be Better

4. Be Careful When Meeting Your Partner's Parents

5. Don't Confuse Love And Lust

6. Avoid Cheeseball Lines

7. Get Over Your Ex"

 

There. Don't you feel smarter now? Click the headline of this story to go to the full slideshow. With videos! - Heather Books

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Why accepting people for who they are makes a relationship stronger

This is good communication advice for any relationship. Work on accepting your man for who he is, and reap the benefits. - Heather Books

 

"...People are more willing to express themselves when they know they are not going to be criticized or have their actions held against them.

 

...People do not have to be the same to have a great relationship. They just need to be comfortable enough to express themselves and show who they are. They share their most personal desires and deepest fears and darkest realities. The only way to achieve this is by accepting them for who they are."

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Here’s How to Stop Your Husband from Cheating

Here’s How to Stop Your Husband from Cheating | Expert Relationship Advice | Scoop.it

My best advice on how to stop your husband from cheating is to be ultra picky about who you marry in the first place. Be careful about you date and get into a relationship with.

 

Don't pick a guy with a track record of cheating. Instead, pick a guy you know well who has proven his trustworthiness over time. Give him plenty of chances to show you his true colors. Only then should you get married.

 

But these tips from eHarmony aren't bad either. - Heather Books

 

"I recently stumbled across a “guide” for women on ehow that provides suggestions for how to cheat-proof your marriage. 

 

1. Nag less.

2. Have sex, frequently.

3. Let your husband eat what he wants.

4. Cook his favorite meals every week.

5. Associate with happily married couples.

6. Don’t let problems with your children spoil your marriage.

7. Most importantly, make time for your husband.

8. If there is something that your spouse has mentioned he/she finds sexy on you, go buy a gross of it.

 

I decided to ask a small group of married women to comment on the suggestions. Here’s the eHow list of tips and the group commentary."

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Fifteen ways to leave your lover

Fifteen ways to leave your lover | Expert Relationship Advice | Scoop.it

How to stage a civilzed breakup. Apparently, it's possible. Though I tend to wonder if maybe this only ever happens in Australia. - Heather Books

 

““Being told ‘it’s over’ is never going to be great news no matter how it is delivered,” says Relationships Australia counsellor, Bill Hewlett.

 

“But you can make it more comfortable to some degree.”

 

Here’s how.

1. End it in person

2. Do it today

3. Tell the truth

5. Get advice

6. Steer clear of your computer

7. Choose your timing

8. Write a list

9. Don’t say ‘we need to talk’

10. Give warnings

11. Take a test first

12. Never cry wolf

13. Do your research

14. Set boundaries

15. Don’t start looking for someone else first

 

Read the article for details on each tip...

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What Men Find Sexy About Women: The Top Ten List

What Men Find Sexy About Women: The Top Ten List | Expert Relationship Advice | Scoop.it

What do men find sexy? Well...besides boobs.

 

According to eHarmony:

 

1. She’s Playful

2. She's Beautiful

3. She's a Grown-Up About Things Related to Sex

4. She Likes and Understands Men

5. She's Affectionate

6. She Knows How to Say "Thank You"

7. She's Willing to Bend the Rules

8. She's Willing to Set Aside Her Fear

9. She's a Great Kisser

10. She Likes to Laugh (at His Jokes)

 

Watch the slideshow for details on each one...

 

This list is kind of comforting to read. Men like us, ladies. They really actually like us. - Heather Books

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Me or We? Which one of us is depressed?

Me or We? Which one of us is depressed? | Expert Relationship Advice | Scoop.it

We all need to use the words "we" and "us" more, apparently, according to Psychology Today. If we use solo pronouns like "I" and "me" too often, it's a sign we might be depressed.

 

Or it might mean we think we are Queen Victoria. We are not amused. 

 

Regardless, go dig up all your friends' latest emails and blog posts and check up on them. Now! Quick. (Texts probably won't work for this.) Let everyone know if they need to go see a counselor about their, I mean our, obvious depression problem. 

 

"One set of studies has linked depression to an elevated use of first person singular pronouns (e.g., I, me, my) and a lack of first person plural (e.g., we, our), second, and third person pronouns, suggesting that these serve as linguistic markers of self-focused rumination (narcissists show similar language patterns) and social isolation. Poems of suicidal versus non-suicidal poets, for example, use significantly more singular first person pronouns."

 

But really, depression isn't funny. Do seek help if you wonder if you might have it. Call 1-800-273-8255 and talk to a professional for free. And pass along this post to anyone you think could possibly use that number someday. All of US need each others' help and support to make it. - Heather Books

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"Why Won’t He Call Me His Girlfriend?" Big Red Flags Advice

"Why Won’t He Call Me His Girlfriend?" Big Red Flags Advice | Expert Relationship Advice | Scoop.it

"The Question: My guy considers me his “plus one” for everything! He talks about going away together with other couples, plans ski trips and outings and I’m always the first to know so we can make the plans together. And he usually initiates what the plans are.

 

I constantly go with him to family parties, visit his family after my own on Thanksgiving, swing by his relatives houses for no reason except to visit. He isn’t overly PDA when we are out at a bar or somewhere with friends, but he puts his arm around me and lets everyone around us know “she’s mine.”

 

The odd part, however, is he won’t admit we are in a relationship, won’t call me his girlfriend, and is very bothered by one of my past hookups (someone he knows). It’s something he says he just “can’t get out of his head and get get over.” The way he explained it: “it’s not like you to have a one-night stand with someone, I don’t get why you did.

 

Every time I see him I think about it and I just can’t get past it.” We made a plan to get past it. and it seemed to work for a solid two months. But one drunk night it came up again. Clearly it’s still on his mind. And his wording is that he and I are “a process” so he can try getting over this horrible thing I did. (As if he’s never had a one-night stand… so horrible… right.) It’s so crazy to me… if you like someone and treat them like a girlfriend, why can’t he look past my one-night stand that occurred months before he and I started dating, while he also was hooking up with someone else.

 

My guy did date someone for four years, who he lived with, and she broke his heart and moved out. It’s been three years since they broke up and should be ok from that by now. Maybe he has issues settling down? But he certainly doesn’t have issues showing his family, friends, and world that I’m “his”. What is this guys deal! HELP""

 

Click on the headline or the picture to read Big Red Flags' answer...

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How to Stop Nagging

How to Stop Nagging | Expert Relationship Advice | Scoop.it

According to Christine Carter, Ph.D., there are three things you can do that are way better than nagging:

 

1. Do nothing. Just let it go. Wait at least 90 seconds before thinking about it and see if it still bothers you.

 

2. Inspire the person who disappointed you.

   a. Empathy

   b. Rationale (explain why it's important to you)

   c. Non-controlling language (ask instead of demanding)

 

3. Pick a fight...but in a constructive way. "Make your disappointment known by starting off on a positive note." Then say how you feel. Then say what you need.

 

Really solid advice. And an awesome site. Check it out and read the full article. - Heather Books

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11 Easy Ways to Create Commitment

11 Easy Ways to Create Commitment | Expert Relationship Advice | Scoop.it

Did you know that creating commitment is a skill anyone can learn? Thanks to Roya R. Rad MA PsyD, we have the top 11 ways to build commitment fast.

 

1. There Has To Be Absolute Honesty

2. Form A Routine Practice

3. Create Self Statement That Keeps Motivation Going

4. Make Specific Plans To Strengthen The Relationship

5. Learn To Teach Your Mind To Be Quiet When You Want It To

6. Be Tolerant

7. Set Up And Uphold Personal And Partnership Standards

8. Reconnect With Your Soul

9. Learn To Build Internal Sense Of Integrity

10. Follow The Relationship Path Of Your Choosing

11. Take Time To Take Care Of Yourself

 

Great advice! Click on the headline to view the full slideshow. - Heather Books

 

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3 Ways to Make Him Fall for You by Rori Raye

3 Ways to Make Him Fall for You by Rori Raye | Expert Relationship Advice | Scoop.it

"When you’re falling in love with a man, it’s natural to want to prove what a great catch you are by being sweeter, funnier and smarter in hopes that he’ll fall in love with you, too. Focusing on what a man wants and ingratiating yourself in this way may feel like the natural thing to do, but it’s the worst way to try to make a man feel romantic about you...

 

Tip#1: Don’t give a man more than he gives you.

Tip #2: Don’t give away exclusivity if he hasn’t yet committed.

Tip #3: Don’t plan dates.

 

...A woman who can respect a man enough to not try to “pick up the slack” for him is the woman he falls in love with."

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Social Dating! Do we need this?

Social Dating! Do we need this? | Expert Relationship Advice | Scoop.it

The New York Times is investigating whether the stuff you've liked on Facebook can legitimately predict who you should go out with.

 

Yoke.me is a new online service that goes through all your "social" minutiae and suggests the perfect single Friends of Friends for you to stalk...I mean, judge...I mean, go out with. Somehow.

 

Shhhh. It's an algorithm.

 

“I’ve found my newest nightmare,” one friend said. “One match was a girl because we share a birthday,” said another. “One match was a guy because we both like Gilt,” a shopping site. “Is this for finding friends, dates or enemies?""

 

"The trick is to weed out the weirdos and arrange a face-to-face meeting as quickly as possible — which, in a sense, is what Yoke.me is trying to do, as are similar services like theComplete.me and Coffee Meets Bagel.

 

Other sites are trying to move past the algorithm. A start-up called myMatchmaker uses in-the-flesh people as intermediaries. Some, like Nerve.com, and How About We, aim to streamline the process and encourage interactions around more than a profile."

 

Coffee meets bagel...Now that one sounds promising. Let me know if you've used any of these and what it was like - Heather Books

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Death of the Blowjob?

Death of the Blowjob? | Expert Relationship Advice | Scoop.it
Eight of ten men surveyed preferred giving than receiving oral sex.

 

"The blowjob has fallen on hard times. Or, to put it in the form of a crude question, who can really get it up for fellatio these days? Back in the 1960s and '70s, fellatio was all the rage...

 

...The scale of the sea change can be observed at the Great Canadian Beaver-Eating Contest, at Burning Man, an event so popular that participants line up as if for a half-off sale. In the more discreet context of my survey, this enthusiasm was endorsed by the respondent who claimed that the only time he experienced "absolute contentment" was when his face was between his wife's legs. He wished to make clear that he was not talking just about sex; he meant in life generally."

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The 3 Types of Jealousy: How to Deal

The 3 Types of Jealousy: How to Deal | Expert Relationship Advice | Scoop.it

Jealousy makes you feel like an idiot. When you're jealous of someone, logically, you know that showing those feelings will only make you look worse. Yet the feelings are so real and intense.

 

I think jealousy is one of those throwback emotions that suited us better back in our caveman days. Back then if you felt a threat to your relationship, no one would blame you if you went and bonked your rival on the head and took them out of the picture. Nowadays, not so much. 

 

Johanna Lyman, "the JOY Professor" (Man, I wanna go to that school!) has a more modern and enlightened approach as she discusses the three faces of jealousy. - Heather Books

 

"Jealousy is resentment of another person’s success, situation, or behaviors...

 

1. Resentment 

The first face of jealousy has to do with the resentment aspect of its definition. Resentment is one of aspects of anger and anger, at its core, is an expression of fear....In romantic relationships, jealousy shows up because you are afraid that what you have will be taken away from you.

 

2. Scarcity

The second face of jealousy is imbedded in scarcity thinking, the idea that there’s not enough to go around.

 

3. Self Disrespect

The third face of jealousy is when it disrespects who you are. When you’re jealous of another person, you assume they’re better than you. When you’re jealous of your lover’s behavior, you assume they’re not satisfied with you.

 

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Short Circuiting Anger with the Relaxation Response

Short Circuiting Anger with the Relaxation Response | Expert Relationship Advice | Scoop.it

You know how when you get crazy angry, your brain shuts off? We've all experienced it. When you lose it you become a different person, capable of ugly and destructive words and actions that would normally horrify you. And they certianly horrify you afterward once the storm has passed.

 

Now science explains it. When you get that irate, your brain goes into survival mode in preparation for launching a physical attack. Rational thought is turned off because it would just get in the way.

 

But, really, how helpful is this way of thinking when you're just trying to negotiate with your partner over who unloads the dishwasher?

 

The answer is to calm down before you jump off the deep end. Don't let yourself get that far. Catch yourself when you start getting irritated or tense and instead attempt "The relaxation response" shown in this graphic.

 

This Psychology Today article talks about how one man learned about these findings, applied them, and improved his relationship. - Heather Books

 

"When the Sympathetic Nervous System is activated the fight- flight-or-sometimes-freeze response takes control of the body. You can think of it as a kind of gas pedal that, when held down revs up heart beat, blood pressure and the like.

 

By comparison, the Parasympathetic Nervous System can be likened to brakes, when activated it slows down body function and leads to what Dr. Herbert Benson calls a relaxation response.

With the fight or flight response in full activation, impulses and perception get run directly through the emotional core of the brain. They bypass the frontal cortex.

 

This is significant BECAUSE the frontal cortex is the part of the brain that enables us to think about what we think and feel. Without processing an impulse through the frontal cortex we can react but not reflect on our responses. We are functioning on automatic pilot.

 

Taking into account whether our actions correspond to what is in our best interest requires input from the frontal cortex."

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Coffee Wars Can Damage Relationships

Coffee Wars Can Damage Relationships | Expert Relationship Advice | Scoop.it

Bad coffee is threatening relationships in Norman, Oklahoma. When it comes to coffee, these people don't mess around. Nor should they.

 

"Coffee wars may mark the beginning and end of a relationship. Monica doesn’t make the coffee in her house; her husband does.

 

Each morning, freshly ground, just the right strength; Monica’s taste buds let her know right away if it needs attention: “What did you do to the coffee this morning? It doesn’t taste the same. Would you make it over?”

 

If this happens three days in a row, Monica makes coffee. Husband then gets it right."

 

Exactly. Get it right! 

 

It's getting so bad, friendships are at stake. A local pastor has even been brought in to mediate:

 

“Pastor, you’re just the man I need to see,” Harris interrupts as Pastor McKenna chats with a neighbor. “We need an honest judge. There’s been a challenge. We need an objective expert to decide which of the guys makes the better coffee. How about it?”

 

The neighbor speaks up, “My coffee is better than yours, Harris! When you make coffee, even the bugs won’t come near it.”

 

The tough coffee rhetoric shocks McKenna. He backs away.

 

“He’s had my coffee at church,” Harris insists."

 

Bout time someone took this stuff seriously. Good coffee is the lifeblood of a good friendship and a great relationship. The retired journalism professor who wrote this, Shirley Ramsey, gets it. - Heather Books

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