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Halloween Jokes -- Over 300 Good Ones!

Halloween Jokes -- Over 300 Good Ones! | enjoy yourself | Scoop.it

Happy Halloween everyone!

 

Just for grins today I found a great collection of funny Halloween jokes (there are a lot of not-so-funny ones out there)!

 

Hope these bring a chuckle and are fun to share.

 

Here in CA we also celebrate the Day Of The Dead where we hang out in graveyards and honor our ancestors.

 

Eat, drink and be scarry today!

 

Brought to you by Karen Dietz for her curated content on business storytelling at www.scoop.it/t/just-story-it ;


Via Karen Dietz, Fran Lewis, Angie's Diary
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The Perils of Letting Machines into the Hive Mind - Issue 52: The Hive - Nautilus

The Perils of Letting Machines into the Hive Mind - Issue 52: The Hive - Nautilus | enjoy yourself | Scoop.it
In the preface to Saint Joan, his play about Joan of Arc, the teenager whose visions of saints and archangels stirred soldiers into…
Kenneth Weene's insight:
This is a fascinating topic. Let me get to my personal chase. I hate going to dinner or sitting around with a "friend" who spends half their time using a cell phone to check facts. Sure, I use a GPS some of the time, but often I prefer to just try to find my own way. How much of your humanity do you give up by allowing the hive culture of the Internet guide you? And, let us not forget that the loudest voice, the one that tweets the most or has the most google hits, may not be the best source. So, let us take back out lives and not allow the machines to run them. Wait, in my pocket in this picture, is that a cell phone? Yes, but notice that at least it isn't in my hand. 

If, however, you do want to read provocative material, get to www.kennethweene.com
For example, have you read my essay on abortion"
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Trump Tweets NFL Players 'Standing With Locked Arms Is Good.' They Were Protesting Him

Trump Tweets NFL Players 'Standing With Locked Arms Is Good.' They Were Protesting Him | enjoy yourself | Scoop.it
President Trump sent mixed messages about the movement sweeping the sports world following unprecedented solidarity among the NFL
Kenneth Weene's insight:
The question is becoming clear: No, not the one about kneeling during the anthem, which is and should be a matter of conscience. No, not the one about whether what occurs in sports should have political relevance, which should be a resounding "this is nonsense. I'm talking about the question what is Mr. Trump doing? What is his goal in all this? The answer seems clear, he loves to gin up pointless argument and discord. In doing so, he gets press and support from his followers, who blindly agree as long as they can see their anger in the issue, and that is pretty much about anything because they are really angry at life.

I think that most of the pols in Washington have figured that our and are ignoring him. I'm sure the bureaucrats are, too. Sadly, we Americans can't turn away from this "reality tv" show because our lives are involved, especially when he has his finger on that button. 

Some years back, there was a movement to make recall part of American government. Some states actually introduced such a process. Perhaps, it is time for that new third party I would love to see created to embrace recall as a part of its platform. So, my question, would you vote to recall Mr. Trump if you could? What that would mean would be the scheduling of a new presidential election for 2018. In the meantime, his office would devolve onto (here we have a choice) the VP or the Speaker of the House. (f you would vote for recall, please consider your choice.)
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The Best Breakfast in Every State in America

The Best Breakfast in Every State in America | enjoy yourself | Scoop.it
Because it's always breakfast somewhere.
Kenneth Weene's insight:
Nothing says good morning more happily than a delicious breakfast. So check out these delights from all over the states. Strangely, there is no mention of the quality of the coffee at any of these choice places. What?!  For my part, I eat a bagel and olive cream cheese most days, but when I want to splurge, just get out the eggs, hollandaise, bacon, and some spinach to go underneath. Now that's what I call a good morning. BUT, first and foremost got to have that cup of joe.

What's your regular and your favorite breakfast? 
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'Mad Pooper' Jogger Won't Stop Defecating At Colorado Family's House

'Mad Pooper' Jogger Won't Stop Defecating At Colorado Family's House | enjoy yourself | Scoop.it
"This isn't behavior we see on a routine basis," the police lieutenant said.
Kenneth Weene's insight:
This is one weird story. The woman even apologized when asked by the mother. Still, she comes back. Now, can anybody say "metal illness?" Or perhaps there is more to the story. Have the cops asked the father of the family if he knows this lady crapper? 

Now, in case you haven't thought about this question: What does she do with the paper? She brings her own, but she obviously doesn't carry it off after use...or does she? And what brand? I mean that's serious. Will the company use this as an advertisement or sue her for some kind of defamation? 

Finally, and this is the most important question: Assuming that she uses one of those plastic bags to pick up her litter as opposed to her dog's, does this offend my animal rights friends? I mean those bag stations in parks have been set up for dogs and this woman shouldn't be taking a dog's shit. (Couldn't resist that one.) 

Anyway, this is my writing prompt for you for today. I mean you got to tell me the story. And, if you like the oddities that offer stories to create, well, I suggest Tales From the Dew Drop Inne. Everything from Yaks and rattle snakes to lottery tickets and Christmas time Santas help make it an entertaining read. 

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Liberals’ newest attack on Trump for letting 11-year-old kid mow WH grass is mind-boggling

Liberals’ newest attack on Trump for letting 11-year-old kid mow WH grass is mind-boggling | enjoy yourself | Scoop.it

President Trump was accused of breaking child labor laws after allowing an 11-year-old kid to mow in the Rose Garden. Except, the kid asked to do it and no laws were broken.

Kenneth Weene's insight:
First, I love that this kid came up with a brilliant way to get his business noticed. WOW! Second, I love the fact that Mr. Trump gave him a boost. That's really cool no matter what some people may say. Third, I wonder if the President introduced him to Barron; seems to me a normal thing to have done. Fourth, I have to say, I think there are too few jobs for kids these days. Paper routes are gone. Grass cutting is mostly done by landscapers. I love that this kid has so much gumption. 
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Trump's silence after the earthquake was not unnoticed in Mexico, where Trump

Trump's silence after the earthquake was not unnoticed in Mexico, where Trump | enjoy yourself | Scoop.it
President Trump called Mexican President Enrique Peña Nieto on Thursday to offer condolences for last week's magnitude 8.1 earthquake
Kenneth Weene's insight:
Glad that Mr. Trump finally got around to calling the president of Mexico. While it is possible that Mr. Nieto had poor cell reception, couldn't POTUS have oh I don't know left a message or texted? Seriously, that's the kind of shoddy excuse that second-rate agents and shady realtors give their clients. Hmm, sounds about right. 
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Why the coming-of-age narrative is a conformist lie – Cody Delistraty | Aeon Essays

Why the coming-of-age narrative is a conformist lie – Cody Delistraty | Aeon Essays | enjoy yourself | Scoop.it

How can you go about finding ‘who you really are’ if the whole idea of the one true self is a big fabrication? This frame of course from Rebel Without A Cause. 

Kenneth Weene's insight:
My perspective is that life is not about great transformations but rather about small, often subtle, new understandings. That may seem strange for a mental health professional to say, but really most of the time that has been what I have helped people to do, to grow on the edges and slowly evolve towards being something more. That growth taking into account both internal and external (often societal) forces and vicissitudes. 

Then there's my writing: While some of my characters make great changes; these usually end badly. I know the ending of Widow's Walk upset many readers who loved Mary, but that is how life goes. Similarly, the great revelatory change in the narrator of Memoirs From the Asylum leads to... On the other hand, the end of Tales From the Dew Drop Inne and Crimes to Try the Soul of Man, well those are much more real. Cal goes on to find another bar in another town and Nick, well he settles down with the fat-assed hooker; eat, life goes on. At least, Nick is somewhat the better man and Cal, who can say. 

If, however, you really want to appreciate my take on becoming oneself, you probably will find that best in Broody New Englander. Mothers' teat, the second piece in the book. That's where I really share my sense of becoming. And the book I'm working on now, Red and White, well that's something so incredibly different. 

Anyway, you can find the available work at my website. Hopefully, it will help you think about identity and how life goes. www.kennethweene.com 
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Hurricane Irma strands manatees on beach -- until Floridians come to the rescue

Hurricane Irma strands manatees on beach -- until Floridians come to the rescue | enjoy yourself | Scoop.it
As Hurricane Irma continued to travel up Florida’s west coast Sunday afternoon, it picked up water along the way, draining waterways and bays.
Kenneth Weene's insight:
First off, I love manatees. When I've seen them in Florida, I have had to fight the great temptation to jump into the water and try to play with them. So, when I saw that some had been stranded as a result of Irma, my heart sank. It seemed wonderful that humans came to the rescue even though the great seacows probably would have been alright just waiting for the surge to put them back in their natural habitat. Then I saw the bureaucratic warnings that trying to help these great creatures would violate the  law. Yes, I know that such laws exist, but would anybody enforce them? Has the system become so dehumanized that we would punish those people who tried to assist a stranded manatee? If it has, then perhaps we really need to rethink the role of the apparatchiki. 
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Hurricanes: A Science Primer

Hurricanes: A Science Primer | enjoy yourself | Scoop.it
We know how damaging and costly, in many ways, such natural phenomena can be — but the devastation is not surprising, once you know how much energy is involved, says astrophysicist Marcelo Gleiser.
Kenneth Weene's insight:
With hurricanes so much in the news this year, I thought this story might be of interest. While we are off to a rather rough start this year with two major storms already, that doesn't mean we should appreciate the wonderful clockwork quality of mother nature. Speaking of clockwork, this piece will explain why hurricanes spin counter-clockwise in the Northern Hemisphere and clock-wise in the Southern. And, why they never cross the equator. So enjoy some science and, if you're in the path of one of these massive storms, stay safe.
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How an off-duty sheriff's deputy's poolside joke turned into an undercover drug sting

How an off-duty sheriff's deputy's poolside joke turned into an undercover drug sting | enjoy yourself | Scoop.it
When Andrew James Harris chatted up a group of people relaxing at a San Diego hotel pool, he didn't realize they were off-duty sheriff's deputies.
Kenneth Weene's insight:
Let's get this straight, not all drug dealers are members of MENSA. It may seem like schadenfreude, but I honestly got a laugh from this story. Of course, what I don't get a laugh from is the war on drugs. Time to take that game away from law enforcement and stop the huge waste of manpower and more importantly the power of the drug merchants who do have brains. 
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10 of the Most Amazing Ice Formations - ODDEE

10 of the Most Amazing Ice Formations  - ODDEE | enjoy yourself | Scoop.it
Winter is a greatest time for amazing photography.
Kenneth Weene's insight:
I honestly hate being cold. Alright, I admit it, that's a weird thing for a Broody New Englander to say, but what the heck I have moved to Arizona. Which, of course, brings up the idea of heat. The summer here has been—as usual—hot. So, for a moment I want to celebrate the cold, albeit from a safe distance. These photos are beautiful and fascinating so I thought I would share them with you. 
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Is there a price on Mars? China’s ‘space village’ to cost US$61m

Is there a price on Mars? China’s ‘space village’ to cost US$61m | enjoy yourself | Scoop.it
Scientists, government officials agree blueprint for development of ambitious project on Qinghai plateau
Kenneth Weene's insight:
I don't know which country is most likely to actually set up a colony Mars, but I love that there are still adventurers who are willing to go where no human has gone before. Perhaps, we'd all be better off if instead of national efforts we had one international push, not a race to Mars but a challenge to Earth to find ways of cooperation. 

Meanwhile, since it is unlikely that I will be alive when the first astronauts get to the red planet and therefore have no chance of ever visit, please remember to pick up your trash when you leave. Let's leave at least one world as clean as we found it.I mean, we've already left crap on the moon, made Mt. Everest a shit heap, and just look at the wonders of the South Pacific and Antarctica. Seriously, humanity, we are terrible pigs. 

Speaking about humanity, have you read my paean to us humans? Tales From the Dew Drop Inne tells stories of the least of us that make you remember that we are all more nearly human than otherwise. 
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Trump Is ‘Not My Bride,’ Putin Says

Trump Is ‘Not My Bride,’ Putin Says | enjoy yourself | Scoop.it
The Russian leader, speaking at a news conference in China during a meeting of the so-called BRICS countries, also said he would consider further cuts at U.S. diplomatic posts.
Kenneth Weene's insight:
Clearly on the top of his game, Mr. Putin manages a great insult towards Mr. Trump. "I'm the man and you're not even good enough to be my woman," is the hidden text here. Given Mr. Trump's claims of sexual powers, this is scathing. His comment about North Korea is also quite telling for it refers to the Russian experience during World War II, when Russians actually were reduced to eating grass and still refused to surrender to the Germans, by this analogy he is stating his clear support for Pyongyang without admitting that he wants them to have these powerful weapons. Dialog straight from Tom Stoppard and that impresses me.

Yep, Mr. Putin has a clear vision. Meanwhile, may we ask where the American Secretary of State is hiding? Why do I get the feeling that he, too, will soon be exiting the farce on the Potomac?

Meanwhile, if you just are getting sick of what's going on and want a good book to read, might I suggest Broody New Englander. The novella, The Stylite, might give you some interesting perspectives on humanity within the context of being. No, it isn't just a story but it is that as well. 
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Iraqi Kurds in historic independence vote

Iraqi Kurds in historic independence vote | enjoy yourself | Scoop.it
Kurdish areas vote on whether they want to break away from Iraq, despite Baghdad's opposition.
Kenneth Weene's insight:
Few ethnic groups in the world are as deserving of a state as the Kurds. Basically, they were divided up by the English and French at the end of the First World War, when with American quiescence those two countries redrew the map of the Middle East. The Kurds have not only kept their culture intact but proven themselves fierce fighters against oppression and ISIS (and great allies for America). They have in their area of Iraq oil reserves which they have used more wisely than most. The big question is that Turkey, which has a sizable Kurdish minority that wants independence, Russia, that worries about a Kurdish minority in their dependency, Syria, and Iran which also has a sizable Kurdish region wanting independence and reunion with the rest of the Kurdish people, are all opposed to adding a new Kurdish republic into the region. 

It is interesting that in this time of growing globalization, many ethnic groups are looking for more autonomy. Consider, for examples, the growing discontent in Spain and the regional and ethnic discontent in Myanmar. Scotland constantly questions its connection to England and of course the English have dropped out of the EU. 

Have we entered a new time of nationalism akin to that which dominated the end of the nineteenth century Europe only this on a more global basis? As the world should be more united in the face of growing terror threats, climate change, and the issues of health and population, are humans capable of the necessary cooperation? 

And, what are the implications of such nationalist fervor for diverse countries such as the United States, Britain,  Canada, and more—including France with its growing Muslim population? So many questions and so few answers. For my part, I would love to see a world based on world citizenship and world problem solving, but that would probably only come if we were invaded by aliens. 

Forget the Tower of Babel and let's just say, "Damn evolution; it may have led not to the survival of the fittest but the threat to all of us."
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When it comes to sex, dating, and drinking, 18 is the new 15 for American teens

When it comes to sex, dating, and drinking, 18 is the new 15 for American teens | enjoy yourself | Scoop.it
Being a teen isn’t what it used to be. According to a huge new study, adolescents in the 2010s were less likely date, drink alcohol, go out without their parents, and have sex than teens in every generation since the 1970s. Fewer of them have paying jobs or drive. The research, published in Chil
Kenneth Weene's insight:
While there is some question about how accurate this idea is, particularly when it comes to sex with oral, manual and anal sex being used instead of coitus, (Yes, Bill Clinton has made his scuzzy point. He never had sex with that woman.) the reality is that kids are less quick to grow up these days. They seem to prefer staying home and gaming or going on the Internet. I have my theory about why this is, I wonder if you share it or have a different one. 

My theory, we are bringing up a generation, particularly in the middle class, who believe that life is getting harder and harder. They see it as more difficult to earn a living, more difficult to have a family, more difficult to have their own home, heck even more difficult to pay for their car insurance. I think that the great recession of 2008 is haunting them. In short, many of them are scared. I can't say I blame them. It is getting less rewarding and more difficult out there. For a few, that galvanizes them to push harder and to become more determined, but for many, staying in the home-womb seems easier, especially since child-rearing attitudes have become more loving and accepting, more willing to indulge and support. Don't think so, consider the rise of home-schooling and helicopter parenting. 

So that's my theory. What's yours? 

By the way, if you want to reminisce about how childhood once was, consider reading Mothers' Teat, the second story in Broody New Englander. 
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Meet Frida, the valiant Lab who's saved a dozen lives in Mexico

Meet Frida, the valiant Lab who's saved a dozen lives in Mexico | enjoy yourself | Scoop.it
She already had 52 rescues under her belt from Mexico's earthquake two weeks earlier when Frida was turned loose on the rubble from the latest quake. The female Labrador is now a Mexican hero.
Kenneth Weene's insight:
In the darkest of times, there are sometimes moments of great light. When rescuers are needed, often it is our four-pawed friends who come through. Let's celebrate this sweet dog and her companions who are working in the debris of Mexico City and their peers everywhere. 
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College President Hosts Black Students With Cotton Centerpieces, Collard Greens

College President Hosts Black Students With Cotton Centerpieces, Collard Greens | enjoy yourself | Scoop.it
The meeting was ostensibly so school leaders could learn more about black students to help them succeed.
Kenneth Weene's insight:
I found this story as humorous as one the other day in which some shoppers were complaining about the use of cotton as decorations being sold in I think it was Hobby Lobby. Of course, this college president is tone-deaf and just doesn't get it. Pandering to groups is just another way to tell people that they don't have individuality and worth. On the other hand, the world can't just let go of every stereotype besides which some of them are worth keeping. Yeah, servicing fajitas to the Hispanic students made sense to me. Of course, the school is in Tennessee so I'd be serving everyone a good barbecue with whiskey sauce (on the side). And of course country music. I mean, what the hell else is Tennessee good for?  Wait, maybe that's what this college president will serve up for the good-old white kids. I understand there was also to be a meeting with the Jewish kids, but the school kitchen was told to make bagels and damned if they didn't try to serve Einstein's. 

Well, I say, once we all appreciate the food that the other person's mom used to make, we'll all get along better. In the meantime, we do have to learn to see the humor in the struggle.  

Speaking of humor, have you read Sweet and Sour? You might just get a few chuckles. 
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Hemingway's Cats Rode Out Hurricane Irma In A Limestone Fortress

Hemingway's Cats Rode Out Hurricane Irma In A Limestone Fortress | enjoy yourself | Scoop.it
After hunkering down in their Key West home, the six- and seven-toed creatures are safe and sound.
Kenneth Weene's insight:
Were they actually surprised that cats can be smarter than humans? Anybody who has ever known Punky the Radio Cat already knew that. While Punky has passed, her offspring and her show, It Matters Radio, continue. Check out my interviews while Walking on the Weene Side and all the great music at www.itmattersradio.com 
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17 Recipes Loaded With Melted Cheese, Because You're Worth It

17 Recipes Loaded With Melted Cheese, Because You're Worth It | enjoy yourself | Scoop.it
Ooey, gooey melted cheese.
Kenneth Weene's insight:
I love cheese.  J'aime le fromage. Amo il formaggio. Ich liebe Käse. Well, I guess you get the message. So here are some great sounding ideas just in time for the cooler weather when cheese makes the best comfort food. So: Essen Sie. Mangi. Mangez. Enjoy. 
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Brazilian queer art exhibition cancelled after campaign by rightwing protesters

Brazilian queer art exhibition cancelled after campaign by rightwing protesters | enjoy yourself | Scoop.it

 Santander bank decides to shut Queermuseu in Porto Alegre, a move Brazilian artists say represents dangerous censorship. Above is one painting from the series titled "Gay Children". That series was cited as being pedophilloic. WHAT DO YOU THINK?

Kenneth Weene's insight:
I oppose the censorship of art and literature even if I don't care for the contents. Of course, if actual people or animals are hurt by creating the "work of art", that I would oppose vehemently, but whenever I hear of censorship, of opposition to "decadent art," the hair on the back of my head bristles. Where are you on this issue: 1) Art should be free. 
2) Art should uphold traditional mores. 
3) Art should represent the values we of power want people to believe.
4) Perhaps some other view you'd care to share. 
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What Your Dreams Actually Mean, According to Science

What Your Dreams Actually Mean, According to Science | enjoy yourself | Scoop.it
Why do you dream about flying or losing all your teeth? Science has new theories on the meaning of your dreams
Kenneth Weene's insight:
While this is a decent review of theories of dreaming, it misses one of the major issues. How do we decide which material has to be processed for dumping. Therein lies the actual power of the Freudian approach. Some images, some information, whether it comes from the natural concerns of being human, i.e, losing ones own teeth or being chased by a large animal, or from more unique personal experiences, such as being molested or facing a moment of great felt danger, become valanced and connect to events of the day, events that may well have no meaning for others. It is that connection, that binding, that makes the brain have to rework yet once again the underlying material. It is that symbolization that gives dreams their power and explains why some dreams are so repetitive. I might say that just as quantum theory has to deal with the entwining of electrons so dream theory has to deal with the entwining of symbols. When we look at our dreams with a willingness to allow them to speak to us, they take us inside not simply our heads but also our ongoing processing of the world and we find there, with a sense of awe, that we are connected to thoughts, feelings, and awarenesses that are otherwise hidden form our conscious thinking. So, let us celebrate dreams. 
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This 3-Letter Word Will Make You Live Longer and Happier, According to Science

This 3-Letter Word Will  Make You Live Longer and Happier, According to Science | enjoy yourself | Scoop.it
It's as simple as taking a walk outside.
Kenneth Weene's insight:
Three ways to add awe to your life: Experience the glory of nature, which can be done right outside your door or on great expeditions. Contemplate the infinite, the ineffable, which can be done in a church or temple but also within your own soul.Open you imagination, which can be done by exploring your dreamworld or by reading a good book. 

Speaking of books, have you checked out www.kennethweene.com
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Dry Jordan launches project to grow crops from seawater - The Boston Globe

Dry Jordan launches project to grow crops from seawater - The Boston Globe | enjoy yourself | Scoop.it
Water-poor Jordan on Thursday launched a project using seawater to produce crops with clean energy.
Kenneth Weene's insight:
Good for Jordan; they are approaching the problem of desert life with creativity. And, good for Norway, a country that continues to use its wealth to help others. 

Of course, as with all desalinization plants, this one will produce lots of salts that need to be disposed of. They will mostly be re-dissolved  in the sea or piled on land making it even more barren and from whence it may well eventually find its way back into the sea anyway. 

Still, the food that is grown will help not only to feed Jordan's people but will also give a model for other countries. 
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The Sun Just Fired Off A Massive Flare, And It’s Headed Toward Earth Right Now

The Sun Just Fired Off A Massive Flare, And It’s Headed Toward Earth Right Now | enjoy yourself | Scoop.it
“Strong geomagnetic storm watch” is in effect.
Kenneth Weene's insight:
Can't gat a signal on your phone? Maybe you get lost even with a GPS? Well, you can blame it on the solar flare that's hitting earth this week. Don't worry, it won't do you any harm as long as you keep your head and don't get too upset that your text went awry. Meanwhile, it reminds us that nature is greater than we are so take time to appreciate it. 
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Hermits: 10 Stories of People Who Shunned Civilization for Years - ODDEE

Hermits: 10 Stories of People Who Shunned Civilization for Years - ODDEE | enjoy yourself | Scoop.it
Meet ten people who, for various reasons, ended up hiding from the world for decades.
Kenneth Weene's insight:
Ten fascinating stories, of which my favorite is the woman who lives in a "Hobbit House" in Wales, but of course I already wrote about the hermit of Maine. That story is found in my Two Tales of Terror. I am often fascinated by unique human behaviors. At any rate, I bet this will fascinate you. Then you can go to https://www.amazon.com/Two-Tales-Terror-Kenneth-Weene-ebook/dp/B00FHZIKE6/ref=asap_bc?ie=UTF8 and get your copy of Two Tales. Yeah?! 
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