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If you see the person, then naturally, empathy arises. Daniel Goleman

If you see the person, then naturally, empathy arises.  Daniel Goleman | Empathic Family & Parenting | Scoop.it

 “The act of compassion begins with full attention, just as rapport does. You have to really see the person. If you see the person, then naturally, empathy arises.

 

If you tune into the other person, you feel with them. If empathy arises, and if that person is in dire need, then empathic concern can come. You want to help them, and then that begins a compassionate act. So I'd say that compassion begins with attention.”

 

 Daniel Goleman

Author: Emotional Intelligence

http://j.mp/O9yFIo

 

 

 

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Empathic Family & Parenting
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Empathy Movement Magazine: Empathic Family & Parenting

Empathy Movement Magazine:  Empathic Family & Parenting | Empathic Family & Parenting | Scoop.it

Sponsored by Edwin Rutsch Empathy Guide Services
Visit  http://cultureofempathy.com/Services/

These one-to-one empathy sessions support; well-being, healing, practicing to be a better listener and supporting you in creating empathic environments in your relationships, family, school, work, communities and beyond.


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3 A's of Empathy in Marriage

3 A's of Empathy in Marriage | Empathic Family & Parenting | Scoop.it

Sometimes, my wife, Susan, doesn’t need or want me to do things for her or fix things for her. Sometimes she’d rather I just feel things with her. That’s what empathy is all about. Empathy deepens a marriage through a shared understanding, perspective, or experience. I realized the importance of empathy from, of all places, an NFL coach.

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The Importance of Teaching Children Empathy

The Importance of Teaching Children Empathy | Empathic Family & Parenting | Scoop.it

Children are born with the aptitude for empathy, but it needs to be taught and encouraged throughout their childhood. Research shows there is a clear correlation between the ability to empathize and future fulfillment and success. Making (and keeping) worthy friends, succeeding in school, attaining a gratifying career, maintaining a healthy marriage, all of these things rely on one critical skill: EMPATHY. 


So how can we teach and nurture this key ability?

Here are three simple guidelines.
1. Make your parental expectations clear.
2. Identify Feelings
3. Be a Role Model


by Chantal D. Hayes


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(Empathic Parenting) This Is How Parents Influence Early Moral Development: start by cultivating your own empathy.

(Empathic Parenting) This Is How Parents Influence Early Moral Development:  start by cultivating your own empathy. | Empathic Family & Parenting | Scoop.it

Parents: Do you want to raise a child with a strong sense of right and wrong? You might want to start by cultivating your own morality—as well as your own empathy.


Parental dispositions also seemed to impact sharing in the toddlers. The researchers found that higher levels of parental cognitive empathy, or the ability to take someone else’s perspective, as well as higher levels of baby self-regulation—their ability to soothe themselves, for example—predicted increased sharing behavior in the sharing game. While it makes some sense that babies who can self-soothe would be better at sharing—after all, says Decety, sharing is hard for babies, so soothing themselves could mitigate the emotional upset—it’s less clear how parental empathy impacts this behavior. Again, it could be genetic, or socially-influenced, or both.


By Jill Suttie, Psy.D.

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Self-Compassion in Kids

Self-Compassion in Kids | Empathic Family & Parenting | Scoop.it

It turns out psychologists may have gotten it wrong. Over the years, there has been a tremendous emphasis in our society on building kids’ self-esteem. Psychologists now think we should be teaching children how to develop self-compassion instead.

The problem is that self-esteem is often developed by social comparison, meaning it requires a person to feel special and superior to others on a variety of dimensions. Kids feel good about themselves when they get the A, win the game, receive the trophy and sometimes even by putting other kids down to make themselves feel better. But this constant comparison needing to be better than other kids instills a belief that it is not ok to be average.  When things don’t go well, feelings of superiority slip and self-esteem takes a nose dive, leaving kids vulnerable to anxiety, insecurity and depression.


By Shilagh Mirgain, PhD 

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Curly Orange's curator insight, September 21, 2015 1:07 AM

Very important advice.

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Toddler Education: Children As Young As 3 Years Old Show Understanding Of Justice And Empathy

Toddler Education: Children As Young As 3 Years Old Show Understanding Of Justice And Empathy | Empathic Family & Parenting | Scoop.it
While we may struggle with delivering and exacting justice here in the adult world, it seems that children as young as 3 have the concept down pat.


In a new study published in the journal Current Biology researchers from Germany are finding that toddlers are not only surprisingly empathetic, but that concepts like restorative justice may come intuitively to them.

When examining children between the ages of three and five, researchers found their subjects focused strongly on carrying out justice and punishment for those who “deserved” it. Not only did the children prefer to give missing items back to rightful owners, but if returning the item was not an option, the participants would protect the item, and ensure another party would not take what did not belong to them. Even more interesting was the fact children of this age were just as willing to respond to the needs of another individual — even if that individual was a puppet — as they were to their own. Researchers believe these findings may give us insight into the core of justice in relation to human nature.


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Why children respond to parenting with empathy

Why children respond to parenting with empathy - Changemaker Education - Medium
Recently, a friend with young children asked how my husband and I ‘grew such well-behaved kids’ (now age 10 and 15). My mind immediately went to the moments when they aren’t so well behaved, the moments when we, as parents, have the option of telling our children what to do and asserting our power as the heads of our houses by giving consequences when requests aren’t met.


My husband and I work best when we approach situations with empathy, work collaboratively and hold a consistent set of expectations. We attempt to actualize these values when parenting.


Jen Cort

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(Empathic Parenting) Psychologist Favors Teaching Empathy to Boys

(Empathic Parenting) Psychologist Favors Teaching Empathy to Boys | Empathic Family & Parenting | Scoop.it

 Yet the Aurora Theater and Sandy Hook shootings hit forensic psychologist Max Wachtel especially hard, driving him to try to figure out what made these killers and other male criminals do what they do. In doing research, one common element arose—a lack of empathy—which led Wachtel to write The One Rule for Boys.



A lack of empathy can manifest itself in a variety of ways. “Almost always, it comes out as problems with anger because anger is a very easy emotion to access, but it’s a very surface emotion,” Wachtel explains. “Usually there’s something else going on like sadness, frustration, anxiety or a feeling of unfairness.”

If boys can be empathic, it helps in nearly every area of their lives, says Wachtel. He found research showing that empathic boys do better in school, have more high-quality friends, are seen as leaders and deal better with bullies. As they get older, he found empathic males tend to get better jobs and report higher satisfaction in romantic relationships and life in general. “I figured it was a good thing but it was surprising to see how much stuff it helped with.”


Courtney Drake-McDonough

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(Empathic Parenting) Why Your Child Should Have Empathy For The Bully

(Empathic Parenting) Why Your Child Should Have Empathy For The Bully | Empathic Family & Parenting | Scoop.it
If you teach your children to be empathic, they will understand why so-called mean kids do what they do. It does not give those kids a free pass, and it does not require your children to pity anyone.


But, research shows that kids who are empathic are seen as leaders by their peers and are more assertive. They do better in school (and in work later on), and they better understand how to appropriately confront a school bully. Empathic kids are not pushovers--in fact, they are able to better handle conflict than non-empathic children.

I cover all of this information in my book, The One Rule For Boys,

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Little Hearts - Gentle Parenting Resources -L.R.Knost. to be an empathetic, responsive parent

Little Hearts - Gentle Parenting Resources -L.R.Knost.  to be an empathetic, responsive parent | Empathic Family & Parenting | Scoop.it
Many people believe that gentle parenting is a form of unparenting, but nothing could be further from the truth. Gentle parenting is involved parenting ~interactive, engaged, active parenting.


It takes focused attention, planning, participation, research, and so much more to be an empathetic, responsive parent who is in tune with their child’s needs and who is prepared to make whatever sacrifices are necessary to meet those needs.

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Fill Your Child's Tool Box with Empathy and Compassion

Fill Your Child's Tool Box with Empathy and Compassion | Empathic Family & Parenting | Scoop.it
It’s sort of the same with teaching empathy to our children – especially to the under 5 crowd, who tends to be a bit more spirited, as I like to call it, than the rest of us.


Nothing wrong with spirit, nothing at all. As parents and caregivers though, our own actions are often what make a toddler go from “spirited” to “unruly” or “mean”.

Empathy is a tool. It is one that doesn’t come easy for young children, but can be taught. We must model it. When a toddler hits his parents or another toddler, and we respond lovingly and patiently, we are giving that child a tool.


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(Empathic Family) Using Empathy to Connect with Your Kids

(Empathic Family) Using Empathy to Connect with Your Kids | Empathic Family & Parenting | Scoop.it
Positive parenting educators and mental health therapists talk a lot about empathy. When when parents want to know how to respond when their kids are angry or anxious, I suggest responding with empathy first.

I tell parents to think of empathy as “finding the feeling” in what their child is saying or experiencing.


If your child is upset, you could say, “You’re so mad that Sophie took the marker without asking!” When you respond with empathy, you help your child put their feelings into words and make them feel that you understand.


Here are some empathy tips:

  • Be Present:
  • Wait for Calm: 
  • Connect:



by Nicole Schwarz

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CNN: Are 3-year-olds mind-reading, justice-seeking superheroes? Learn the building blocks of empathy and a sense of justice

CNN: Are 3-year-olds mind-reading, justice-seeking superheroes? Learn the building blocks of empathy and a sense of justice | Empathic Family & Parenting | Scoop.it

If you want to learn the building blocks of empathy and a sense of justice, just look to the nearest 3-year-old.

While these two traits seem like they might require years of experience and observation to acquire, a new study published in Current Biology reveals that children as young as 3 have a strong sense of restorative justice.

Researchers in Germany observed individual 3- and 5-year-olds in a situation in which they sat at a round table with puppets and a few items, such as cookies or toys. The children had the ability to pull a rope to turn the table. One section of the table was dubbed "the cave," which was inaccessible and could hide the items....


Origins of empathy

What are the origins of this intuitive sense of empathy?

Family environment and cognitive development, according to Dr. Norma Feshbach. There must be a family context that allows and encourages empathy for it to flourish. And cognitively, children must have a physiological readiness that allows them to see someone in an emotional state and elicit a similar response. This also enables them to see the world from another perspective, and feel and experience those emotions.


By Ashley Strickland

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Empathy and attention come into focus for preterm kids

Empathy and attention come into focus for preterm kids | Empathic Family & Parenting | Scoop.it
  • Empathy and attention skills less developed in preterm kids
  • Cartoon characters used to gauge kids understanding of social conventions
  • Research turns to working memory and response times

LOCAL research has confirmed children born extremely prematurely or ‘preterm’ have a less developed sense of empathy and poorer attention skills than typically developing children but the work has failed to determine if there is link between the two. 


It is common for preterm children to have delays in speech and language development, attention and motor skills, UWA clinical psychologist and lead author Dr Catherine Campbell says.


by  Teresa Belcher

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Teaching empathy can help reduce violence

Teaching empathy can help reduce violence | Empathic Family & Parenting | Scoop.it
Feigenberg suggests parents who want to give their children an education in empathy not only ask “how was your day?” but also how they helped someone, how someone helped them, if there was a time when they were unsure about the right thing to do, and then talk about the responses.

The “Making Caring Common” researchers have other suggestions on how parents can set the stage for teaching kids kindness: develop loving relationships with their children; be strong moral role models; make caring for others a priority; set high ethical expectations; let children practice caring and gratitude; and help children develop self-control and manage feelings effectively.


Glenn Augustine

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Why is it so important to teach our children empathy?

Why is it so important to teach our children empathy? | Empathic Family & Parenting | Scoop.it
Empathy, or the ability to understand and share the feelings of other, seems to have become one of the buzzwords of the 21st century. But with a big long list of things you already need to do as a parent, how much time or thought should any of us actually give to this while we are muddling through just trying to keep our heads above water?

For many of us, empathy may just seem like an abstract word, so I have got my head together with a lovely friend (Katya Bobova*) who also happens to be journalist who specialises in writing about child development issues, to try and break things down a little on the empathy stakes in the following in conversation….

Is empathy something that is innate, or is it learnt?

by Katya Bobova 

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Development and Epigenetics - A Conversation with Darcia Narvaez

Stefan Molyneux speaks with Darcia Narvaez about youth life outcomes, breastfeeding vs. formula, child isolation, the positive effect of multiple caregivers, the benefits of touch, epigenetics and the development of stress responses.

Darcia Narvaez is a Professor of Psychology at the University of Notre Dame, Editor of the "Journal of Moral Education," and author of Evolution, Early Experience and Human Development: From Research to Policy and Practice.
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How to Connect with Your Kid Using Reflective Listening Skills

How to Connect with Your Kid Using Reflective Listening Skills | Empathic Family & Parenting | Scoop.it

By listening to your child reflectively, you are helping him or her define emotions and minimize acting out. This teaches your child that he or she can choose to control and manage emotions. 


Empathize

By listening to your child reflectively, you are helping him or her define emotions and minimize acting out. This teaches your child that he or she can choose to control and manage emotions.


Try to empathize with your child’s feelings without making it about you. What is his or her perspective? Though your child may have broken a house rule or even hurt your feelings by lashing out at you, try to be nonjudgmental for a moment. Connect with your child’s feelings. We can easily empathize with anger and frustration because we have all been in situations where we have those feelings.


You might say, “Wow, Allison. You seem really angry,” or, “I can see your frustration.” These statements are more disarming in nature and send a signal to your child that you see him or her, not just the behavior.


by Kathleen Scott

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[Empathic Parenting] Teaching Empathy To Children - The Danish Way of Parenting

[Empathic Parenting] Teaching Empathy To Children - The Danish Way of Parenting | Empathic Family & Parenting | Scoop.it
We all want our kids to be happy. And happiness is something the Danes have supposedly figured out, with research consistently showing that residents of Denmark are among the happiest in the world. So, it’s not a huge surprise that an article we published on Danish parenting tips has proved to be one of our most-read. Due to this popularity, we decided to do a deep-dive into some of the bigger philosophies rooted in Danish culture with The Danish Way of Parenting authors Jessica Alexander and psychotherapist Iben Sandahl leading the way.


Last month we discussed the power of play-based parenting, and this time around we’re talking to the authors about the Danes’ belief in the importance of teaching children the concept of empathy.


“...The Danes teach empathy in schools, which is quite special. Empathy is such a big concept and it is taught in so many different ways for different ages. Three examples would be language choice, letting children self-regulate, and reading a wide range of stories.


WRITTEN BY KATIE HINTZ-ZAMBRANO


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Daniela Poggi's curator insight, August 25, 2015 7:43 AM

Insegnare l'empatia ai bambini

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(Empathic Parenting) Psychologist Favors Teaching Empathy to Boys

(Empathic Parenting) Psychologist Favors Teaching Empathy to Boys | Empathic Family & Parenting | Scoop.it

 Yet the Aurora Theater and Sandy Hook shootings hit forensic psychologist Max Wachtel especially hard, driving him to try to figure out what made these killers and other male criminals do what they do. In doing research, one common element arose—a lack of empathy—which led Wachtel to write The One Rule for Boys.



A lack of empathy can manifest itself in a variety of ways. “Almost always, it comes out as problems with anger because anger is a very easy emotion to access, but it’s a very surface emotion,” Wachtel explains. “Usually there’s something else going on like sadness, frustration, anxiety or a feeling of unfairness.”

If boys can be empathic, it helps in nearly every area of their lives, says Wachtel. He found research showing that empathic boys do better in school, have more high-quality friends, are seen as leaders and deal better with bullies. As they get older, he found empathic males tend to get better jobs and report higher satisfaction in romantic relationships and life in general. “I figured it was a good thing but it was surprising to see how much stuff it helped with.”


Courtney Drake-McDonough

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(Empathic Parenting) Being empathetic to bullies

(Empathic Parenting) Being empathetic to bullies | Empathic Family & Parenting | Scoop.it

Psychologist Dr. Max Wachtel recommends having empathy for the bully to combat their behavior.


Having empathy for a bully actually helps the child affected in many ways. Dr. Wachtel offered these examples:


  • They have more (and better quality) friends
  • They do better in school
  • They feel more in control and are more assertive
  • They are more likely to confront inequality when they see it without resorting to violence
  • Others see them as leaders



Kyle Dyer, KUSA

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(Empathic Parenting) When moms 'tune in,' babies show empathy later

(Empathic Parenting) When moms 'tune in,' babies show empathy later | Empathic Family & Parenting | Scoop.it

“These findings show how a mother’s ability to tune-in to her baby’s thoughts and feelings early on helps her child to learn to empathize with the mental lives of other people,” says Elizabeth Kirk, lecturer in the psychology department at University of York.


“This has important consequences for the child’s social development, equipping children to understand what other people might be thinking or feeling.”

“These results are significant as they demonstrate the critical role of conversational interaction between mothers and their children in infancy,”


by Saskia Angenent-York

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Meeting Misbehavior with Acceptance and Empathy

Meeting Misbehavior with Acceptance and Empathy | Empathic Family & Parenting | Scoop.it

Using acceptance and empathy as the first step to overcome a challenging moment can go such a long way. If a child has a tantrum, throws something, bangs, breaks or otherwise does something that we may view as unwantted or unaceptable behavior we can:

  • Accept that children have limitations
  • Empathize that our child is having a hard time
  • Accept that children have needs
  • Empathize that our child’s needs, in that moment, are not being met.
  • Accept that children will at times be frustrated, angry, mad, sad.
  • Empathize that such strong feelings can be difficult to manage alone.
  • Accept that children will at times be exuberant, loud, annoying.
  • Empathize that our child in that moment has big emotions.
  • Accept that children should and will  at times challenge our reasons.
  • Accept that children have their own thoughts and feeling.
  • Empathize that our children often have no control over what is going on in their lives.
  • Accept that children need an outlet for their thoughts and feelings.
  • Accept that many such “mis”-behaviors are a developmentally appropriate.

by Ariadne Brill

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How Can I Get My Kids to Listen?

How Can I Get My Kids to Listen? | Empathic Family & Parenting | Scoop.it
When Mom was able to model calm behavior, the child’s mirror neurons (specialized neurons responsible for empathy and understanding of what another person is feeling) were activated and she was therefore able to “mirror back” the calm she was observing in and feeling from her mother.


If you want to be “listened to,” first, try listening to your child.


Consider asking for what you want versus telling what you want and empathize with the fact that it’s hard to stop doing an enjoyable activity, to hear the word “no” etc.


by Debbie Zeichner 

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Tools to Teach Teen Compassion & Empathy

Tools to Teach Teen Compassion & Empathy | Empathic Family & Parenting | Scoop.it

As a parent, you want to see your child act with compassion and show empathy to others. They may need a bit of a push and some guidance, though, to learn how to show others these qualities.


Teaching compassion and empathy to children can start when children are very young. However, if you haven't discussed these ideas and values with your children until the teen years, it's not too late. While the sooner you start mentioning these qualities as a family value, the better; you can still give your...


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