Being present; being with......vital relationship builders.
"Being present, whether with children, with friends, or even with oneself, is always hard work. But isn’t this attentiveness — the feeling that someone is trying to think about us — something we want more than praise?"
Showing empathy is great, but we should never fall into these traps mentioned here in the article:
Trap #1: Even Worse – the basic idea here is to compare the person's problem with someone else’s problem that is even much bigger.
Trap #2: Look on the Bright Side – in this approach we ask people to focus on the positive outcome of the situation. When we focus on the positive, rather than acknowledge a person’s feelings, we ignore and dismiss them as unimportant. The net result is that we invalidate the other person.
Trap #3: Problem Solving – rather than be with the person in an emotion, we immediately jump to problem solving mode: How can we fix this problem?
To avoid these traps we should:
1.) See People's World – this means that we cognitively understand what people are saying and can see it from their point of view.
2.) Appreciate them as Human Beings / No-Judgement
3.) Understand Feelings – we need to get in touch with our emotions in order to truly connect with another person’s feelings.
4.) Communicate Understanding - the final element is that the other person feels like they are understood – that they are seen and heard.
Ok. Brilliant. What I was thinking myself...........years of thinking about the fringe kids (especially the really clever ones who chose not to buy in to the system).
Grades (globally) measure the degree to which they are engaged in the whole bag called school. Grades by class also measure the degree to which they are engaged in the class and WITH the teacher. I know plenty of kids with 4 As and 2 Ds. Talk to them about "why". They will tell you.
1. Trust kids. They will surprise you.
2. Give each student a clean slate
3. Our job is to find a way for them to SHOW what they KNOW
The best paragraph? "Austin treated school as social hour. He participated when he felt like it. At first I was frustrated with Austin. Then I learned about his life, I invested in Austin. After I invested in Austin I found it was easier to motivate him and he didn't want to let me down."
Bravo. This IS what we need to make happen. Nice work!
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