Can you feel that? It's called empathy and it's having a moment. Experts have discovered that putting yourself in someone else's shoes is not just an important life skill, it's also intrinsic to happiness.Author Brene Brown calls empathy a 'sacred space' where you climb down into another person's hurt.
This is crucial because it fosters connection – something sympathy alone can't do. If that seems a little touchy-feely, stay with me, because the virtue traditionally associated with shoulder squeezes and self-sacrifice is more powerful – and surprising - than you think.
The Neurobiology of “We”. Relationship is the flow of energy and information between people, essential in our development. "The study of neuroplasticity is changing the way scientists think about the...
“Relationship is key,” he emphasizes. “When we work with relationship, we work with brain structure. Relationship stimulates us and is essential in our development. People rarely mention relationship in brain studies, but it provides vital input to the brain.
Relationship stimulates us and is
essential in our development.
People rarely mention relationship
in brain studies, but it provides
vital input to the brain.
Every form of psychotherapy that works, works because it creates healthier brain function and structure.… In approaching our lives, we can ask where do we experience the chaos or rigidity that reveal where integration is impaired.
We can then use the focus of our attention to integrate both our brain and our relationships. Ultimately we can learn to be open in an authentic way to others, and to ourselves.
The outcome of such an integrative presence is not only a sense of deep well-being and compassion for ourselves and others, but also an opening of the doors of awareness to a sense of the interdependence of everything. ‘We’ are indeed a part of an interconnected whole.””
I use the word "empathy" a lot when I'm talking about parenting. Sometimes I forget it might not be entirely clear exactly what is meant by using empathy when communicating with children...
Here are five things you can do that will help you respond to a hurting child with empathy:
1. Take your child’s perspective. See the world through his eyes. His problems might seem trivial to you, but try to see them as he does. Broken crayons, lost toys, stuck zippers, or nightly clean-up time mean more to your child in his world than they do to you in yours.
2. Refrain from judgment. Yes, you may disagree with your child. You may think she was “wrong” for what she did, said, or felt during the conflict she had at school that day, but put that aside for now. Your child doesn’t need your judgment, she needs to be able to impart her own judgment. Help her do that by focusing on her feelings regarding what happened.
3. Communicate your understanding of your child’s feelings.
Do you regularly try to motivate yourself with self-criticism and mental projections about all the bad things that will happen to you if you don’t get it together? While this approach may create that extra surge of adrenaline to meet your work deadline, cold call the next potential client, get to the gym, or get your house cleaned before the in-laws visit, it comes at a cost. You end up feeling bad about yourself a lot of the time.
You get into constant “fight or flight” mode, trying to avoid the negative imagined consequences, which messes with your cortisol and other stress hormones. You get overwhelmed, and decide to zone out playing video games or posting mindlessly on social media, or you rebel and eat, drink, or spend too much, thus creating more self-disgust. If this sounds familiar, perhaps you need a healthy dose of self-compassion.
Starts talking about empathy and empathic listening at 40:30, discusses presence from 42:00 to end. Transcript: "You've heard much in this conference about the skill of empathic listening. I simply want to underscore what has been said because I believe that it plays a large part in our future. I come to believe that a very sensitive listening is one of the most powerful forces for growth that I know.
When I can let myself enter softly and delicately, the vulnerable inner world of the other person. When I can temporarily lay aside my views and values and prejudices. When I can let myself be at home in the fright, the concern, the pain, the anger, the tenderness, the confusion, which fills his or her life. When I can move about in that inner world without making judgments,. When I can see that world with fresh unfrightened eyes. When I can check the accuracy of my sensing's with him or her being guided by the responses I receive.
Then I can be a companion to that inner person, pointing to the felt meanings of what is being experienced. Then I find myself to be a true helper, a welcome companion, and aid to growth and help.
Listening seems such a easy word, I find it a lifetime task to achieve true listening and a task well worth the effort.
There is another very subtle factor in the healing relationship which I have experienced and that I would call presence. It is certainly known to physicians. ..... I to have experienced this. When I am at my best as a group facilitator, or a therapist, I discover this characteristic. I find that when I am closest to my inner intuitive self, when I am somehow in touch with the unknown in me, when perhaps I am in a slightly altered state of consciousness, then what ever I do seems to be full of healing. Then simply my presence is releasing and helpful....
A new book argues that selflessness, not selfishness, creates more genetic success.
But according to physicist and science writer Stefan Klein’s new book, the idea that we are born to be selfish is dead wrong. In Survival of the Nicest: How Altruism Made Us Human and Why It Pays to Get AlongKlein argues that selflessness, not selfishness, creates more genetic success, and that proof for this has been gaining momentum among scientists, gradually challenging the “survival of the fittest” model in evolution.
Selflessness, after all, has some
incredible benefits. With selflessness
comes compassion and empathy,
Selflessness, after all, has some incredible benefits. With selflessness comes compassion and empathy, the combination of which lays the foundation for vital survival skills that were required by humans to colonize the world—skills, for example, like the ability to learn to follow common goals. By Joseph Ferrell |
You are your own worst critic. Self-compassion is the act of extending kind thoughts towards yourself. Learn how to live with more self-compassion today.
1. Start With The Basics
It’s very difficult to extend any compassion towards yourself if you aren’t letting yourself meet your most basic needs.
Get full nights of rest, eat clean and nutritious food, and get some form of exercise at least two or three times per week.
Living a sedentary lifestyle, with little rest, and a sugary, white flour based diet is the fastest way to burn out on a cellular level. Just because you have opposable thumbs and the ability to think rationally doesn’t mean that you aren’t an animal that has certain needs to maintain a baseline level of health.
Our goal should be to not only help children take others' viewpoints but to value diverse perspectives and people. How do we expand children's circle of empathy and concern?
Empathy is at the heart of what it means to be human. It's not only a foundation for ethical functioning and professional success but for good relationships of many kinds and for loving well. Yet it's also vital to understand what true empathy is. There's far more to empathy than simply understanding another person's point of view. After all, con men and torturers are highly skilled at understanding others' perspectives -- so they can bore in on their victims' weaknesses. Siblings can have hawk-like skills at spotting and preying on each other's most shameful vulnerabilities and fears. Salespeople, politicians, actors and marketers are often very deft at taking other perspectives but they may not care any more about other people than the rest of us.
The purpose of the CCARE Summer Research Institute, co-sponsored by the Telluride Institute, a five-day conference to be held in Summer 2013, is to advance research on compassion and altruism through collaboration, dialog, inquiry, education, and research.
Drawing from several disciplines including neuroscience, psychology, genetics, economics, and contemplative traditions, the CCARE Summer Research Institute aims to examine compassion, altruism and prosocial behavior from a wide perspective of scientific angles. In particular, the institute will explore and discuss the neural correlates, biological bases and antecedents of compassion; the effects of compassion on behavior, physiology, overall health, and the brain; and methods, techniques, and programs for cultivating compassion and promoting altruism within individuals and society-wide. Compassion education programs will also be integrated into the curriculum.
Not just logic, but also EMPATHY. “What will distinguish those who thrive will be their ability to understand what makes their fellow woman or man tick, to forge relationships, and to care for others. Daniel Pink, A Whole New Mind
"I'm not quite sure why I did it, but I volunteered to speak about empathy at the Global Education Conferencecoming up in a couple weeks. So I spent some time this weekend trying to learn a little more about the topic.I've been interested in empathy as a possibly teachable/developable skill since reading Pink's A Whole New Mind book some years ago and thinking about how reading builds empathetic understandings.
What surprised me in my research, however, was not learning what empathy is - but what it is not. In trying to synthesize some things, here are a few "myths of empathy": "
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