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Diagnosing (And Curing) Your Communication Issues

Diagnosing (And Curing) Your Communication Issues | All About Coaching | Scoop.it
Over-communicating, under-communicating and everything in between. How to communicate clearly so you get what you want, when you want.
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How to Listen When Your Communication Styles Don’t Match

How to Listen When Your Communication Styles Don’t Match | All About Coaching | Scoop.it
What to do when someone is screaming, venting, explaining, or belaboring.

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donhornsby's curator insight, October 11, 2013 7:55 AM

(From the article): Listening around that style, however, can be incredibly effortful.  When someone is either venting/screaming or explaining/belaboring it triggers a part of your middle emotional brain called the amygdala, which desperately wants to hijack your attentive listening and instead react reflexively with whatever your hardwired reactions are.  And resisting that amygdala hijack is exhausting.

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How to Give Kind Criticism, and Avoid Being Critical : zenhabits

How to Give Kind Criticism, and Avoid Being Critical : zenhabits | All About Coaching | Scoop.it

Can you give someone criticism without hurting their feelings or making them angry? Can you do it kindly?

I think that’s a difficult proposition for most people, but in truth it’s possible to give criticism with kindness and have a decent chance of having the person take it constructively.

Ariana Amorim's insight:

I found the article well-written and balanced. A very good read.

 

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Brainstorming The Castle: Becoming Your Child's Counselor

Brainstorming The Castle: Becoming Your Child's Counselor | All About Coaching | Scoop.it

It's difficult to self-analyze, and more so when you are young.  Without knowledge of possible sources for stress, how can you say what's wrong?  There are three good methods counselors use to help children explore their feelings and put words to their amorphous anxieties.

Ariana Amorim's insight:

Good tips here to help children communicate, explore their feelings and manage stress. You'll find here some tools and techniques often used in coaching.

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How to Be Confident, Meet People, and Influence Others - Self Stairway

How to Be Confident, Meet People, and Influence Others - Self Stairway | All About Coaching | Scoop.it
How to be confident, the truth behind what people think when you talk to them, and how you can influence the way they perceive you through confidence.
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Discussing The Un-discussable – How To Stay Sane At Work

Discussing The Un-discussable – How To Stay Sane At Work | All About Coaching | Scoop.it

“Contradiction,” is an ambiguous term. If you and your manager have different definitions, assumptions, or information, what seems impossible to you might seem natural to him.

 

In a healthy workplace, any apparent contradiction is discussable. 

In an unhealthy workplace, contradictions are un-discussable.


In this post, you will see how to approach your manager safely, how to resolve the dilemma if your manager is willing to cooperate, and how to stay sane if he doesn’t. But before you can open your manager’s door, you must open your own door to your employees.

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Busting The Myth 93% of Communication is Nonverbal — PsyBlog

Busting The Myth 93% of Communication is Nonverbal — PsyBlog | All About Coaching | Scoop.it
The idea the vast majority of communication occurs nonverbally is quoted everywhere from advertising to popular psychology articles.
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Relationship and Marriage Advice | The Gottman Relationship Blog: The Workplace: The Delicate Art of Giving Feedback

Relationship and Marriage Advice | The Gottman Relationship Blog: The Workplace: The Delicate Art of Giving Feedback | All About Coaching | Scoop.it

Today on The Gottman Relationship Blog, we would like to share an article referencing Dr. Gottman's research that was recently published in the Harvard Business Review. We feel that, given our current The Workplace blog series, it is imperative that you read it! Though Pozen’s intended audience is one of business managers, his advice is applicable to any employer or employee. After all, our bosses are not the only ones who provide us with feedback. Feedback is constantly being exchanged (directly, indirectly, verbally, nonverbally, officially, and casually) between everyone in the workplace.

Ariana Amorim's insight:

The article is: The Delicate Art of Giving Feedback by Robert C. Pozen

Harvard Business Review

 

"Dr. Gottman’s groundbreaking research with couples has allowed us at The Gottman Institute to apply his work to a much broader spectrum of human relationships. His findings can teach us a great deal about building and maintaining healthy connections with our families, friends, and even coworkers!
In the next three weeks, we will cover an area in which relationship dynamics can dictate your degree of professional and financial success, and even determine whether or not your career dreams are fulfilled. Without further ado, we bring you Dr. Gottman on The Workplace!"

 

See also

http://www.gottmanblog.com/2013/04/the-workplace-what-does-your-job-mean.html
http://www.gottmanblog.com/2013/04/the-workplace-things-to-do-together.html
http://www.gottmanblog.com/2013/04/the-workplace-how-does-your-past.html
http://www.gottmanblog.com/2013/04/the-workplace-emotional-communication.html
http://www.gottmanblog.com/2013/04/weekend-homework-assignment-connect.html
http://www.gottmanblog.com/2013/04/the-workplace-ideal-praise-to-criticism.html
http://www.gottmanblog.com/2013/04/the-workplace-building-better.html

 

 

 

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How To Be Honest and Respectful With a Jerk

How To Be Honest and Respectful With a Jerk | All About Coaching | Scoop.it

“What a stupid idea!” your mind screams as you listen to your colleague. “It will never work.”

How can you be honest and respectful at this moment?

Saying, “That´s a stupid idea,” is disrespectful.

Saying, “That’s an interesting idea,” is dishonest.

When you are offered two equally bad alternatives, choose a third.

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International Association of Coaching Blog: Surprise! What Coaching Taught me About Communication

International Association of Coaching Blog: Surprise! What Coaching Taught me About Communication | All About Coaching | Scoop.it

by Sue Johnston

For over 30 years, I've been a communication professional. Educated, mentored, accredited and experienced in every form of communication, I looked like the real deal. Yet it wasn't until I trained as a coach that I truly learned to communicate.

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Eight Causes of Conflict - Communication Skills Training from MindTools.com

Eight Causes of Conflict - Communication Skills Training from MindTools.com | All About Coaching | Scoop.it
Learn about eight common causes of conflict, and find out how to manage them effectively.
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For Real Influence, Listen Past Your Blind Spots

For Real Influence, Listen Past Your Blind Spots | All About Coaching | Scoop.it
When you really make people feel heard, they're more likely to do what you want.

 

To invite genuine buy-in and engagement, we need to listen with a strong personal motive to learn and understand. But we have a "blind spot" in our brains that gets in the way. What we hear is easily distorted with our own needs, biases, experiences and agenda, even when our intentions are good. We often hear what others say without understanding what they mean. We hear what it means to us, not what it means to them.

 

We outline four different levels of listening, and the first three fall short of what's needed for achieve real influence.

Ariana Amorim's insight:

Great post about listening. To achieve real influence one must master the art of connective listening. Connective Listening is the highest form of listening. It's not listening to, it is listening into: listening into other people, on their terms, in order to establish rapport and to lead to real insight.

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Sherry Turkle: Connected, but alone? | Video on TED.com

As we expect more from technology, do we expect less from each other?
Ariana Amorim's insight:

Interesting and valid points.

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The Negative to Positive Emotion Transformation

The Negative to Positive Emotion Transformation | All About Coaching | Scoop.it

We are emotional beings, this is what we are. Everything that happens in our life makes us feel some sort of emotion. Whether it’s the satisfaction from eating our morning breakfast, the anger from our daily commute to work, the challenge from working out at the gym, the joy from spending time with loved ones, the calmness from relaxing in a quiet place alone, or the sadness from dealing with some sort of loss, we feel emotion in everything we do and we will continue to do so for the rest of our life. Therefore if we are bound to feel emotions for the remainder of our life, why should we be stuck feeling negative emotions?

Ariana Amorim's insight:

"As you can see, your emotional state can quickly be altered just by simply changing the words used to describe such feelings. Although you will still be describing the emotions you’re feeling from the situation, you now will be feeling it in more of a positive light. 

I now challenge you to choose five of the words above you think you will use today and try to use the positive transformation version instead. I promise if you do this long enough the emotions you feel will become more positive. "

:-)

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John Michel's curator insight, November 9, 2013 9:38 AM

Over the years that the English language has been developing, we have decided to create almost two times as many words describing negative emotions over positive ones. 

Mark Taylor's curator insight, November 10, 2013 10:05 AM

Love this!

Alex Watson's curator insight, November 12, 2013 3:48 AM

Nice post. Its a nice exercise to attempt to reframe situations, especially where emotions can run high.

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8 Powerful Tips to Improve Your Persuasion

8 Powerful Tips to Improve Your Persuasion | All About Coaching | Scoop.it
Persuasion isn't just for businessmen and politicians, it's something we all find ourselves doing on a daily basis. Here are key tips to improve persuasion in your daily life.
Ariana Amorim's insight:

It's all about rapport...

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How to Handle Negative Feedback at Work - Thin Difference

How to Handle Negative Feedback at Work - Thin Difference | All About Coaching | Scoop.it
Getting feedback is a part of work. Some may be negative feedback. We need to be prepared to handle it, and here five ways to handle negative feedback.
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Lumus360's curator insight, June 13, 2014 9:02 AM

Post by Kyle O’Brien - on #NegativeFeedback - "Think of all criticism as little words of encouragement instead of a calculated slight against your entire work ".  If you have "never" received negative feedback, Kyle will show you a unicorn! (Read the post to get the joke)

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Speak Up! Ten Steps for Developing a Memorable Presentation

Speak Up! Ten Steps for Developing a Memorable Presentation | All About Coaching | Scoop.it

If you’re interested in sharing your services as a coach with a larger audience, adding speaking engagements and larger-scale seminars to your slate of service offerings can help enhance your practice. In addition to meeting a growing demand in the marketplace, a well-crafted and –delivered presentation can be your best form of advertising, driving new clients your way.

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Are You Making This Mistake at the End of Your Meetings?

Are You Making This Mistake at the End of Your Meetings? | All About Coaching | Scoop.it
Five frogs are sitting on a log. Four decide to jump off. How many are left? Five, because deciding is different than doing.”
Decisions are worthless … unless you turn them into
Ariana Amorim's insight:

"Do or do not ... there is no try.” -- Yoda

 

Can you make a clear request? Do you use direct language? Do you use these phrases:

It would be great if...

Can you try to...?

Someone should...

 

The typical way to avoid making a clear request is to make a muddled one.

A well-formed request demands a clear response. 

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Les Howard's curator insight, May 24, 2013 10:03 AM

Great post about the importance of making Declarations.

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Busting the Mehrabian Myth

Can words really account for only 7 percent of the meaning of a spoken message? This short video animation puts 'Mehrabian's rule' under the magnifying glass...
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Don’t use these 10 phrases in a conversation

Don’t use these 10 phrases in a conversation | All About Coaching | Scoop.it

In any conversation, it’s not what you say that matters; it’s what people hear.

We don’t just hear words. We experience them—through the lens of our past experiences, our biases, our mood, and our insecurities.

Ariana Amorim's insight:

(From the post)

10 phrases that we should avoid using in conversation. Here they are:

1. “If I were you…”

2. “I understand how you feel…”

3. “This is a valuable life lesson…”

4. “I told you so…”

5. “Here’s how you can solve your problem…”

6. “Relax…”

7. “Calm down…”

8. “Can I pick your brain about… ?”

9. “No offense, but…”

10. “You don’t have to feel that way…”

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How To Respond To Criticism (Part 2: Dance)

How To Respond To Criticism (Part 2: Dance) | All About Coaching | Scoop.it

The goal of verbal aikido is to transform a potential fight into a dance. The principles I presented in my previous post are common sense, but their practice is anything but common.

I have made a composite of several challenging comments to my listening and honest-and-respectful posts illustrate how these principles can apply to real conversations.

Note that the context for these conversations is LinkedIn, a site where professionals connect through respectful dialogue. I would not even start this conversation in a negative environment.

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How To Respond To Criticism (Part 1: Verbal Aikido)

How To Respond To Criticism (Part 1: Verbal Aikido) | All About Coaching | Scoop.it

“What a stupid idea!” your colleague bursts out. “It will never work.”

How can you respond?

Say, “You are wrong,” and you escalate the conflict.

Say, “I am wrong,” and you betray yourself.

Your colleague must have not read my previous post about humility. Or if he did, he must have been the one who commented that it was a stupid article.

Here are a several ways to deal with criticism.

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Working With People You Don’t Like - Communication Skills Training from MindTools.com

Working With People You Don’t Like - Communication Skills Training from MindTools.com | All About Coaching | Scoop.it

In this article, we'll look at why it's important to be able to work with people you don't like. We'll also explore ways that you can overcome this dislike, and work professionally and productively with all members of your team.

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Humanizing the Workplace

People who work in corporations seem to be crankier than ever. Harried. Hassled. And in many ways, behaving more like human doings than human beings.
Ariana Amorim's insight:

Productivity needs to be humanely managed. This is a starter kit for humanizing the workplace: simple things we all can do to improve the quality of the workplace environment.

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10 Psychology Tricks You Can Use To Influence People - Listverse

10 Psychology Tricks You Can Use To Influence People - Listverse | All About Coaching | Scoop.it

Before we get started, it’s important to note that none of these methods fall under what we would term the dark arts of influencing people. Anything that might be harmful to someone in any way, especially to their self esteem, is not included here. These are ways to win friends and influence people using psychology without being a jerk or making someone feel bad.

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